Flaking. It happens to all of us.
It can happen after you get a phone number.
It can happen after you have sex with a woman.
It can happen after months of seeing one another.
Nobody is safe and nobody is immune.
A women’s conscience simply does not feel anything when they flake on a guy. I’ve come to realize that is how it goes. As a man, you need to be aware and aware that this can and will happen to you – especially as an active, single male who is playing the numbers game.
If you have any sort of ego (you should – personally, I hate to lose with anything) you will be piss you off. Even if you have multiple women or fuck buddies – getting flaked on is an ego blow. You need to maintain the proper frame and perspective. It will bother you for 24-48 hours, and then you need to be completely moved on. No need to harp on the “what could I have done differently” line of thinking. You can waste a lot of time and pride trying to change a woman’s mind when they have already decided to move on from you.
One strong indicator that something has changed is text frequency. Women love to text and always, ALWAYS have their phone within arm’s reach. If you have established a fairly consistent texting pattern with a girl; and you notice she is taking longer and longer to get back to you – this indicates she is moving away from you and will most likely flake out and go dark in short order. Pay attention to your texting pattern and keep an eye out for changes in frequency and context such as basic, one word answers.
Women rarely discuss their feelings. They are much more apt to find a new, thirsty dude and then chose to get out of the situation by being immature and not texting you back.
At this point, I laugh off flakes. It happens so much that its commonplace in today’s dating world. All you can do is laugh and realize that it’s the cost of doing business, i.e. dating multiple women at once and being a highly experienced male.
Most of the flaking comes from women whom I have yet to meet, or women I have only gone out with a few times. Since I use Tinder and OKC a lot, there is a very high flake rate as a lot of women use those apps as a boost to their shattered or broken ego’s.
If a girl drops you, there no point in trying to change the circumstances – IT IS ALWAYS THEIR LOSS. Remember the abundance mentality. Better to catch these red flags at the beginning, than to let them manifest themselves in some other form if you get emotionally attached to them down the road.
Scenario #1: I lost my phone
“Sorry, I lost my phone.”
This is a classic line, and an excuse I have gotten THREE times in the past two months. Two times it involved a girl I had yet to meet. I had asked to hang out, they stopped texting me, then resurfaced weeks later with the “I lost my phone” excuse. I entertained it by again, asking them to go out. It never happened. They never had any intention of meeting in person – I was simply being used as entertainment.
The best “I lost my phone” story involved a girl I was talking with for two months. We had sex every time we hung out (weekly) and communicated regularly. It was a Sunday and I texted her.
Kind of strange, but I didn’t think much of it. Come Monday, I knew something was up. I was not friends with her on any social media platforms, so I was concerned something bad had happened. I did some searching and came across her Instagram. There had been no picture uploads since I hadn’t heard from her.
Then, Tuesday night, I see an upload from a hockey game. The best part? She tagged another dude at the game. I click on his name, and see a few recent pics of them together.
The next morning I get a text:
Hey, I don’t know if you tried to text me, but I lost my phone and just got it back today.
Don’t know if I tried to text you? It had been FOUR DAYS. No women on the planet goes four days without a phone. It just does not happen. Not to mention, she had uploaded a picture the previous night. However, I gave her the slight benefit of the doubt because I had yet to get any red flag vibes up to that point.
When I asked how she lost her phone, she responded with:
I got drunk, that’s how.
A few texts later and I realized something was up and more importantly, things had changed. To put the pressure on her – I simply asked when she wanted to hang out again. I got excuses and then no response when I pressed further. I responded with this (my typical response to flakes):
Cool answer. Games are silly to me and I don’t play them, so I’ll let you decide what you wanna do here.
That’s it. If a girl really cares for you and you wrongly assumed she was flaking – SHE WILL MAKE THAT KNOWN. In this case, I got no response. See ya later.
Remember to never get down on yourself when flaking happens. I had a great time with this girl when we hung out, but she decided to replace me with someone else. Once I got past the ego sting, I reminded myself that I was never going to exclusively date this girl in the first place – I intended on casually dating her because she was fun to go out with and good in bed. I was also talking to several other girls – all of whom I have regular sex with. Obviously, that is key and quickly occupies your mind when things go south with one women. ALWAYS SPEND YOUR TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO VALUE IT.
I have some great flaking stories that have occurred over the past several months. I will do a series of posts going forward to remind everyone that this kind of stuff happens to the best of us. I do extremely well with women, but it remains a numbers game.
FOR EVERY SUCCESS I HAVE, I have 2-3x more failures and many situations that fizzle out with epic flaking. That’s how things go.
Hope you enjoyed!