This is Part 1 of an ongoing series.
Most men lead lives of quite desperation when it comes to their relationships with women. No cause looms larger than that of misguided and outright incorrect assumptions and exceptions. Laziness combined with entitlement is the status quo among so many confused men. Below we will explore the goals of this series, and begin to explore the necessary self-assessment you must undertake before you even begin the dating process.
Approach is Everything: False Notions Debunked
First, identify your goals with women.
Is it to casually play the field; to have sex with a range of women?
Or is it to find someone for a relationship; to be the eventual mother of your children?
The two are not mutually exclusive, but the criteria you seek in each arrangement is drastically different. Some characteristics of the former group are definitely not ones you would want in the latter group. Here is the thing: the approach is the SAME for both!
The difference lies in the women you meet along the journey, primarily their personalities and traits. You should never “look for” a relationship. Such a narrow-minded determination will certainly lead you into pitfalls, frustrations, and disappointments. Relationships of any kind fall naturally into place; the end result of cultivating relationships with so many women. Women are notorious for this approach. If you understand this, you are already ahead of most of the pack.
If you embrace abundance, you will meet a variety of women who have wide-ranging differences between them. Through this process, you will begin to filter out what you like and what you don’t like. You also improve through practice and experience – primarily your social skills and confidence. As you keep dating, you will begin to trend more towards certain types of women. What then happens is that you are exclusively meeting and dating girls within your criteria zone; high quality and highly desirable.
Note: No matter your end game, your goal is to form relationships with women. Thus, my use of the word “relationships” applies to both women you are looking to casually date, as well as women you are looking to date exclusively.
We make countless mistakes when we are young; primarily due to a lack of knowledge. Countless young men will commit to a woman early on, before ever even trying to date an abundance of women. Without this experience, most of these relationships will experience strain and stress as the couple gets older, and many will end in failure, mainly due to the below two reasons:
- Both people had limited experience with the opposite sex before exclusivity.
- Personalities, wants, and needs will be drastically different as the couple gets older (approaching 30 and beyond).
Naturally, the younger you get into a relationship, the less experience you will have – How do you know what you truly want with such limited experience?
A man who gets into a monogamous relationship with a first or second girlfriend does come remotely close to satisfying their inherent primal urge to explore and conqueror women. They took one of their first experiences ever and turned it into an exclusive, long-term commitment. This perception is flawed and distorted. They may appear to think they are happy and fulfilled, but eventually, as they get older, they will develop anxiety over what they haven’t had and resentment over what they have. These thought patterns are responsible for the majority of breakups. Some couples can overcome this and persevere, but it is a rare occurrence.
The other thing to remember is how incredibly different you become as you get older. Your 20-year-old self will be unrecognizable to your 30-year-old self. Everything changes; appearance, wisdom (gained through experience), personality, expectations, financial status, and sexual tastes and desires. A 30-year-old man has a distinct edge over his younger cohorts due to experience alone. A man at 30 who has mastered the alpha traits is near untouchable.
Young people will not understand these above truisms due to limited experience. They will convince themselves they are right, that they found a special girl and have all you need. Alas, as time progresses, they cannot help but wonder – what else?
Before You Play The Game: Self-Check
Before beginning your dating journey, you need to conduct a brutally honest assessment of yourself. The goal is to identify your strengths and weaknesses. You are to scrub clean your false perceptions of yourself and replace them with realistic observations.
This is the #1 step men gloss over, and in doing so, set themselves up for massive failure with women.
- Is fitness and nutrition a current part of my life? If not, why not? (VERY IMPORTANT!)
- How do I look?
- Haircut and style
- Facial hair and style
- Oral hygiene and teeth care
- Skin care
- How do I carry myself?
- Walking, sitting, posture
- Speed of movement
- Confidence meter
- What are my best character traits? My worst?
- How can I improve any character flaws I may have?
- Am I funny? Do people tend to laugh at my jokes?
- Am I a good storyteller?
- Do I talk too much?
- What false opinions do I hold about women, dating, sex, etc.?
- Am I boring? Can I discuss a lot of interesting topics with women (i.e. more than sport)?
The questions above are but a handful of ones you should be asking yourself during your self-check. All are important in your pursuit of women. If you have mastered everything on the lists above, you will be very satisfied in your dating life. You will have your choice of women. Such man are extremely rare. Don’t fret though, even if you are strong in half of the above categories, you will blow away the majority of the population.
Self-Honesty is key. You want to form a complete picture of yourself, anything less than the truth will only hurt you in the long run. Before you even think of women, you must look in the mirror at what you will be bringing to each interaction. You must lose the sense of entitlement with women, believing they should want to be with you. That’s not how the game works. You must become the cliché best version of yourself, maximizing your current potential. Once done, you can begin to master your strengths and attack your weaknesses.
With a plan in place, you can hit the streets and go after women, while at the same time continuing to improve yourself. You will learn what works and what doesn’t as you move through the dating scene; discarding and unleashing, over and again.
As we progress through the series, I will drill down into what you need to do during the dating process. More importantly, I will focus on the mindset you need and the steps to take to avoid the pitfalls most men fall into.
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