This is Part I of a three-part series where I will lay out a roadmap for online dating based on my own personal success.
I’ll admit I was pretty skeptical when I was told that online dating could be a wildly successful way to meet new women. I was incredibly busy between work and the gym, and was not finding much time at all to be in the presence of good-looking women.
I was also of the old school mentality that considered anything to do with “online” as meaning those who are undesirables or socially awkward. I certainly did not expect to find many (if any) what I considered, “quality” women.
I was very very wrong.
I went out with 17 different women.
I slept with 9 of them
6 were on the first date, and the other 3 were after the second
I gave it a shot at the end of December 2013, and went on a run of amazing success for 3 months before I had to dial it back due to lack of time, money, and sanity.
I am going to specifically focus on this 3 month period, from my profile set-up through my approach, all the way to the finale (closing with the girl).
What I experienced was by no means sustainable, but I think it offers a solid glimpse as to what can be achieved when you have your shit together and attack online dating with a vengeance. It wasn’t always ideal plowing through the winter months on date after date – but it was all worth it in the end.
Disclosure: Everything I say below is based upon my experiences. The most important parts of this process in my eyes go hand in hand (see below). Everything else is secondary.
- Logistics (city AND your specific living situation)
- Pictures (how you look – face, body type, style, social environment)
My goal was simple – I wanted to meet as many new, above-average women as possible. I had zero desire to find and begin a relationship during this time, and made that fairly clear through my profile and the questions I answered.
Almost every woman I meet in person gave one of the below reasons for being on the site(s):
- Too busy with work and life to meet new people
- Tired of the losers out at the bars on the weekends
- New to the area and trying to expand their social circles
- I am 27
- I am 6’2’’, Caucasian, with an athletic build
- I stay lean and cut throughout the entire year- fluctuating between 180-190lbs
- I exercise 4-5x a week, and eat incredibly healthy.
- I work for a major company in my city during the week
- Looks and style wise, I would consider myself above average*
- Confidence & social freedom wise, I would also consider myself above average (although this was hardly the case some years back)*
- I am hard on myself, and spend all my free time trying to improve in some way (reading, working out, cooking, writing, etc)
- I have leveraged a ton of invaluable advice from a handful of go-to blogs, and countless books. I never stop learning new things.
- I live in a very large east coast city.
- I have above average logistics – I live alone in a well-kept, stylish one bedroom apartment in a very young demographic area, as well as 4-6 miles from the downtown bars/clubs/restaurants.
- Most people use public transportation here, so getting to my neighborhood is never an issue.
- There an abundance of good-looking, educated women in my city (those born locally as well as those who now live here due to college/work).
- You could browse for a significant amount of time and not come upon the same girl twice. Based on some studies and other literature I have seen, it is a top 5 American city for single men.
- The age range of those women I met up with was between 19-28 years old.
- I did not slack my standards below a certain threshold (One girl was a 6, which was my worst).
- I was picky with my selections, much more so than what the average person would consider “acceptable”.
- If I dropped my standard to the minimum, I wouldn’t have had enough time to entertain the attention I received from women I had zero wish to be with. Again, this is all in the eye of the beholder.
*I base my above assumptions upon the success I have had both in the “real world” and with the dating sites I am about to discuss in detail
OkCupid (OKC) and Plenty of Fish (POF) are the two sites that I signed up for.
Both are free and are considered two of the largest dating sites in the U.S
- I have also heard great things about Tinder, though I have not tried it personally.
As time wore on, I tended to browse OKC more often, as I found the women to be much more abundant and attractive than POF. Both of these sites have above average apps for your phone that have almost the same functionality as the actual websites. It makes it very easy to message on the go, and kill time if you are out and about.
- Very strong crop of women (speaking for my city only)
- Questions feature – Ability to answer up to 300+ questions in different areas and then be matched based upon these answers
- I made it a point to answer most of the sex and lifestyle questions as complete and honest as possible. This way, it was right out in the open what I was looking for and it also indicated to me that a high match % meant the girl was looking for a similar situation. It helped big time in my screening efforts.
- Better app interface than POF (especially when showing when someone visited your profile)
- Quick Match feature: The ability to quickly go through people currently online who might match up with you
- The site will tell you how many people rated you 4 or 5 stars, giving you a fair indicator of how well your pics/profile are being received
- You need to sign up for the premium package for advanced searches
- You can’t see who liked you (only the total amount of likes) unless you sign up for the premium package
OKC is clearly the better site for me in terms of preference, success, and popularity in my city. The women are hotter than POF and it is easy to find exactly what you want.
- They have a Personality section where you can answer detailed questions if you are looking for a deeper match with someone (think relationship)
- Notified if someone likes you (OKC only does this is you both happen to like one another)
- Not a fan of their website or app in comparison to OKC
- Women are not as attractive as OKC (Again, this applies to my city)
I don’t like the user interface of this site. I think the ‘Recently Viewed” section is clumsy and the search features are not as good as OKC. However, it remains a site with a vast amount of women– it just would take longer to filter than OKC. It could be ideal in other cities – it was just second rate through my experiences.
I chose 5 pictures of me that I thought were very strong.
- All were taken within the past 3 months
- All are me out with friends (I crop out their faces, but it is obvious that I am with other people)
- I am smiling with teeth in each of them
- I look like I have a good sense of style in each of them
- I have never used a selfie or taken a professional photo (I’m not saying this wouldn’t be successful for someone else)
I suggest everyone try to emulate the above.
I average 15+ views a day and have been liked 580+ times in the past 5 months on OKC.
I believe that 95% of my success with women messaging me or responding to my messages is due to my pictures.
Writing section (OKC specific)
Both sites have an area where you can fill out detailed answers about yourself and your interests, likes, desires, etc. I kept these areas very brief, witty, and sarcastic. Most women will fill in these areas in detail, but I do not feel it is necessary to do it as a man.
In the Self Summary section, I wrote three paragraphs explaining what I do and why I am on the site, mentioning things such as spontaneity, travel, working out, etc. I suggest you cater this towards your strengths. I hint at my profession, but do not disclose it outright on my profile.
Finally, I use an abundance of witty and sarcastic phrases and sentences. It gives off a laid back, “I don’t care” vibe. Too many guys view this kind of stuff at do all end all, and it leads to needy looking profiles. Avoid that.
The only other areas I fill out are:
- I’m Really Good At
- I’m Looking For
- You Should Message Me If
With the above sections – keep it light and funny. Again, most of what you write is irrelevant anyways – as your pictures will drive almost all the interest to your profile.
Answer the important things on the sidebar and leave the middle sections light and/or blank. You can tone up the aggressiveness or lighten it up depending on your goals and overall personality. Make sure it matches what you will be like on the actual date.
This concludes Part I of my online dating guide.
- Sending and receiving messages
- Structure/content of my messages
- Follow-up times and rates
- Securing the phone number
- Setting the date
My #’s and %’s are not the norm at all. I sent out very few messages and overall turned Messages into Numbers into Dates at an astronomically high mark. Regardless, it goes to show that any above average male can achieve greatness via online dating sites.