8 Reasons You Fail with Women (and How to Improve)

8 Reasons You Fail with Women (and How to Improve)

Understanding women, especially their psychological tendencies and biological wants and needs, is crucial to any man’s development of seduction.

Men have a fundamentally flawed view of women, specifically, how to court them and how to keep them around.

Such a weakness leads to anxiety and frustration, but also to the ever-widening gap between what women want and what men are providing them. This is the reason that some men are able to attract and retain multiple women at a time, while others cannot muster a simple date.

Most men are sloppy and have minimal success with top shelf women. This has less to do with their appearance (although this matters greatly), and everything to do with their attitude and lack of understanding of how human nature, psychology, and biological instincts interact with one another. These factors combine to create a clear cut blueprint that, if followed correctly, will lead to an increased and sustained success rate with women.

Below I outline 8 beliefs that are imperative when dealing with women. These doctrines apply across the board – from relationships to casual flings to basic courting techniques – and should be learned and apply throughout your life. Similar to my “Mantras Every Single Man Needs” article, these doctrines should form the basis for your understanding of women. 

Hypergamy is a real thing, and will blind side you if you are not on top of your game (even then, it still may).

By understanding women (and how they think), you are minimizing the potential drama, stress, and anxiety caused by women.

This knowledge is imperative. Without understanding hypergamy and women’s actions (not words), you will remain lost and frustrated. Make no mistake – if you get sloppy and complacent – you will be replaced.

Men struggle with understanding how to pursue women, due to inexperience and a lack of understanding of what attracts them. I blame this on the lack of resources on the subject; helping men pursue women is an edgy subject that is usually met with contempt.. Thus, the Art of Seduction (book) is a dying art, as men are simply unaware or too lazy to put the necessary understanding and effort needed to improve.

Art of Seduction - Charisma Quote

Men give in to every whim and desire of the women around them, no questions asked, and no guarantees in return. This is simply what they have been taught through social conditioning.

Gone are the days of reciprocation; men are expected to vigorously court women; women who are more unhappy, negative, and generally unpleasant than ever. The female imperative has clouded the minds of men far and wide, leading them down a frustrating path filled with bad experiences and resentment of women.

This article is aimed at the an who feel lost and lied to when it comes to women. I’ve been there before and it is frustrating beyond belief. This article will take you belong getting lucky, to becoming the man who consistently attracts and keeps top talent. You will learn the rules to the game and come to understand that women are yearning for men to be men again, guys who understand how to act without being told so. Once you are able to resonate with her inner animal instincts, you will have set yourself up for long-term success.  

Let’s move into the list…

1. Failure to Stand Your Ground

Men who go back on their word are quickly exposed as weak and unreliable.

There is a reason Donald Trump is doing so well in the current U.S. Election; he says what he wants and doubles down, never apologizing for his actions or giving in to cries of outrage. Unconsciously, people are drawn to those who stand by their word, however outrageous or unbelievable it may be.

When it comes to attraction, nothing disgusts women more than softness and a lack of a backbone. In fact, one could argue this is the #1 action that destroys seduction and attraction.

Women are wired to shit test men to decide if they are worth their time.

Will this guy back down or stand his ground?

Will he give into me, or tell me no?

How long until I make him my puppet?

They will badger you endlessly, hoping you give in to their demands. However, they are really hoping for the opposite. Women want to see you stand your ground. The minute you give into their silly little games is when you lose. Women will feign anger and disappointment when you do not give in, but inside, they are squealing with excitement. To be put in their place by a masculine man is a delight, as they have come to expect men being submissive and soft.

Men who refuse to play games and partake in shit tests deny women the satisfaction of getting their way. In doing so, they are increasing their attractiveness. Women feign for such behavior, as nothing is more attractive than a challenge, a man who will stand their ground. Instead of unnecessary apologies and excess appeasement, double down and stand by your word. This avoids weakness and lets you maintain frame.

White knights and beta males fail to grasp seduction; they believe showering women with compliments, gifts, and that such behavior will lead to acceptance and eventually, sex. Confident men who are versed in seduction know this couldn’t be further from the truth. Women like complication and are turned on by intrigue. Submissiveness and eagerness to please makes you look like every other desperate guy out there.

Men who can’t be tamed are the ones who clean up with women. These men present a challenge, as they seem complicated and hard to break. Such complexity is the object of desire for most women.

Women will often share a high quality male, so long as he continues to display the characteristics that attracted them in the first place. Men who put themselves first are the ultimate catch for women – they jump for joy at being a part of such a man’s life. Hence the reason celebrities and musicians wield so much power; not only are they famous, but they are notorious for doing what they want, when they want – qualities women cannot resist.

Unpredictability is kryptonite for women; they yearn for it.

2. Becoming a “Domesticated” Male

Women don’t find it attractive when men dominate the domestic landscape – activities as cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. 

Women often complain about a man’s lack of help when it comes to domestic chores. They long for sharing the burden, a 50/50 sort of split. When a man takes over the bulk of such duties, things begin to change.

This reality will most often rear its head in an ugly way when a man stays home with the children and the mother works; the dreadful “stay at home dad” label. This type of behavior goes against human nature, as never has such an arrangement been the norm. Traditionally, men were responsible for protection and the gathering of food, while women raised children and performed household tasks. When such roles are reversed, attraction wanes. The woman will gradually begin to resent the man for the submissiveness inherent in such domestic duties. This display of selflessness from the man resonates negatively, as such a role-reversal gradually wears old. Yes, this defies reason – but we are not working in the arena of logic, but instead, the realm of emotional and biological reactions.

3. Being Highly Sensitive

Women claim they want men who “open up” and are “in touch with their feelings.” Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, this type of behavior is not only undesirable, it’s repugnant to women.

The desire for emotional men is the classic case of women wanting the opposite of what they say; in their minds this seems desirable, but when it plays out in real life, it does not elicit the emotions they thought it would. Instead of being cute and affectionate, it comes off as weak and insecure. 

Men who lack control over their emotions are, indeed, weak. Overly sensitive men will gradually push women away and have a hard time attracting them outright to begin with. Men who lament themselves (“woe is me”) will also repulse women, as they little interest in problems that aren’t their own. I’m not saying they don’t care about you per say, but they do not want to hear about your troubles. This is less a criticism and more an observation of women’s nature. 

Women are simply coded to find such behavior anti-seductive at best, and repulsive at worst. It resonates in their unconscious mind, irrespective of their good intentions. Arguing whether this stance is morally right or wrong is futile – it simply is. My goal is only to give the reality of the situation, not the morality or ethics behind that go with my conclusions. 

There is, however, a time and a place for displays of emotion when it concerns others. This type of behavior is situation dependent and is sometimes acceptable; a sick child, a dying parent, a horrific accident. Self-pity, however, is not acceptable.

A woman will listen to your troubles, and may even show compassion and acceptance of such behavior. But if this type of behavior becomes frequent, her mood will gradually shift towards aloofness and contempt. Biologically, women aren’t conditioned to care about your problems.

Men have traditionally found comfort and acceptance in packs of other men, as sharing of burdens and issues with cohorts is a timeless behavior that helps reduce the stress and anxieties of home life. This is where you should vent and break down, as you are not only more likely to be understood, but also less likely to be judged and thought weak. 

4. Lack of Understanding (and Patience) in the Pursuit of Women

Men are increasingly overeager and ultra-aggressive when approaching and courting women. This leads to being labeled as insecure, or worse, inexperienced.  

Aggressiveness is a superb quality, but it must come in proper doses. Online dating provides many examples of such rookie behavior; men will send sexual images and sexual laden comments to a woman they do not know. What else can explain such simple behavior, other than a complete and utter lack of understanding of women and how to attract them? Sure, such actions might work on a whim, but in most cases you are immediately nurturing your chances of success. 

Instead, aim to be unique and desirable. Present yourself as a catch – someone that she wants to chase. It is then that you unleash your aggressive side, when you have been screened and accepted as normal. 

Most women are terribly bored with their life, stuck in the same mundane routine day after day. They crave excitement – something that will get their blood rushing and make their hearts jump.

Art of Seduction - Seducing Quote

To become the one who rocks their world takes an approach that combines uniqueness with aggressiveness – the perfect mix. Women are underwhelmed with their dating pool; they have given up on finding a mate that fits their stingy requirements, so it’s easy to set yourself apart from this weak pack with the right approach.

Appearance is first; dress to impress and make sure your physical appearance is top notch. Equally as important, however, is how you act.

It matters less what you say, and more how you say it. Ease her into your persona, and then, once hooked, turn it up a notch. Aggressiveness is a key to seduction, but only once you have established yourself as a polarizing, unique male.

Naturally, she will be apprehensive and nervous upon meeting you. As you ease into your comfort zone, she will let her guard down and begin to warm up to you, assuming you are funny, confident, and in control of the frame. As she begins to realize she has a unique, desirable male on her hands, she will become fixated. Once you have her in this place,  increase the edginess of the interaction. You’ll do this through physical escalation and playful (cocky) verbal discourse that gradually touches on naughty desires and memories.

Make women compete for you.

Coming off too aggressive looks desperate and inexperienced, and will push women away before they get a chance to decide what you have to offer. Instead, ease into her world, and then escalate and show your full hand.

5. Confusion about Love

Love expectations differ between men and women.

I discovered this concept, recently through the brilliant writings of Rollo Tomassi, founder of the Rationale Male (book by the same name) and the blog of Illimitable Men. These brilliant men explain this concept with far better depth and description than I can, so I will attempt to explain this concept using an excerpt from an Illimitable Men essay, titled “The Hierarchy of Love:”

Man desires that which is unattainable to him, unaware the love he desires is maternal in nature, unable to be felt for him. Nature plays a cruel trick on the psychology of man. It gives him a very pure, high quality love in his childhood. It gives him a template for woman’s love that he comes to expect as standard of all women. He is taught by his mother’s love that unconditional loyalty, noble character, gentleness, sacrifice and trust are intrinsic of the feminine essence. And so as he grows from a boy into a man he comes to the rather logical conclusion that if he is “a good man,” he can expect to be loved by his lover in much the same way. His mother, well-meant but quite incorrectly likewise affirms this notion to him. This is a wicked lie, but a man whose heart is yet to be broken does not realise this. He thinks woman’s love is immutable. He knows not that her love for child is different from that of her love for him.

To summarize the basic premise of this essay – men expect to be loved by their woman as they are loved by their mothers. This type of love, however, is reserved for children; a maternal biological instinct. Unaware of this, men become frustrated as they feel like they are trying harder and loving deeper, only to feel the response from their women lacking in comparison. In response, a man needs to accept this reality and alter his expectations accordingly. Always be aware of a woman’s hypergamy tendencies; your actions can keep such emotions at bay, but if you become lazy and complacent, expect to see the attraction and interest fade.

The result of a woman’s unique state of love is that a man is never safe; he must constantly be aware of hypergamy and the fragile state of his relationship. Complacency and misunderstanding will lead to disaster down the road. 

This was a topic I rarely thought about, but one in which I have seen play out in practice. I highly suggest reading the resources above to gain a better understanding of this concept, as well as other’s that relate to the premise of my post. 

6. Lack of Dominance & Aggressiveness

Women loathe men who need to be told to be dominate. I’ve touched on this topic in the past, but to reiterate, women want to be physically dominated by a man. 

The book 50 Shades of Grey was a smash hit, selling over 125 MILLION copies. It paints a vivid, sexually graphic story of a rich, handsome and dominant man, Christian Grey, whose aura and presence was overwhelming to young Anastasia. Christian is the epitome of feminine desire. Ask a woman to piece together their “dream guy,” and he is it – a combination of wealth, power, physicality. His character was uber-dominant and his aggressive actions evoked the dormant, unconscious desires of women around the world. 

Women crave sexual dominance. Men act passive and cowardly in the bedroom, offering little variety from a woman’s prior lovers. Their actions are timid and reactive, needing assurance that they are doing the “right things”. Not only do women want men to take physical control, but they often fantasize beyond what most men can fathom.

Understanding Women: Learn Dominance - Seduction

Social pressures teach women to repress their sexuality. In addition, women are forced to make decisions every day in their normal life, increasingly so if they are in a position of corporate power. This is a new experience for women, as historically they did not have this type of empowerment. Because biology has not caught up to reality, women unconsciously crave to be dominated, to be alleviated of their decision-making. 

An experienced man won’t hesitate to use a mix of seduction, charm, and dominance to get his way. He will push the limits and make sure he is remembered. End her boredom and fulfill her fantasies. You will be the one she remembers most. Push the limits, and be surprised how they respond. Be anything but a bore, because as soon as you are, she will replace you.

7. Changing for Her

Women will beg you to change in various ways, and once you do, you lose her interest. This may be the most baffling on all the items in this post.

Women are addicted to men who they perceive to be a challenge; but once they have them, they pester relentlessly to try to mold them into the “man they should be.”

If you give in and change yourself FOR HER, you are doomed.

Change is a great thing, but it needs to be for yourself. Sacrificing your values, beliefs, and desires for someone else is a recipe for disaster. Not only will you become unhappy and resentful, but you will see an increase in arguments and drama in your relationship. This is a twofold issue – your resentment makes you short-tempered and her contempt for your weakness makes her want to attack you.

Do not change for a woman. Grow and improve for yourself.

8. Settling and the Failure to Establish Boundaries

If you are seeking a relationship, it is imperative that you are stingy and picky with the woman you chose. In addition, you must also establish boundaries and rules at the beginning of a relationship (casual or serious).

When choosing a mate, both men and women often settle. They rush into a relationship because they crave another person to complete them. This desperate mentality leads to poor decision making; character and physical flaws are ignored and assumed to be part of the deal of monogamy. While nobody is perfect, proponents of the abundance mentality are keenly aware that there are near unlimited options available to them. Thus, it pays to be picky.

It’s important to be happy with yourself first, and to be stingy in what you require in a partner. Don’t settle just to find someone. Don’t give into social pressures – find exactly waht you want. This type of patience helps to prevent long-term regret.

Truthful communication is also important. Once they have access to regular sex, men become afraid to speak their minds because they fear upsetting the woman (who will then withhold sex). In fact, women respect a man who stands by his word and sticks up for his values, especially one who communicates his desires and expectations of the relationship. By stating your intentions from the start, you make sure resentment and complacency doesn’t materialize in the short-term.

Let your desires and fantasies be known. Tell her what you will stand for, and the games and immature acts that will push you away. Open communication is key. Without it, you risk misery and eventual combustion in your relationships.

Bottom Line

Men who learn dominance are bound to lead happier, more fulfilled lives. You will be confident and assured when dealing with women. Your successes will begin to multiply, and you will soon master the art of seduction.

Yet, men have never been more frustrated when it comes to women. Society certainly doesn’t help  – but neither does a fundamental lack of knowledge. Men simply do not know how to interact with women because they were never taught such things. To discuss seduction, game and dominance elicits a negative response as people think men are someone born with such qualities.

Outstanding blogs such as Good Looking Loser, Illimitable Men, The Rationale Male, Danger & Play, and more make excellent starting points for knowledge on self-improvement and learning women and their tendencies.

Trial and error is still your best friend. Nothing will compare to failure and subsequent improvement. To learn women, you must practice in the flesh. There is no other way.

Go forth with the knowledge in this article, and the timeless advice and opinions of the men I listed above. I wish you the best.

Screenshot 2015-11-21 at 12.56.17 PM

I’d love a discussion on this post – share your responses below!

PS: If you like this article, and want more of them, be sure to sign up to my weekly e-mail list. You’ll also get 2 free gifts, including two 35-page eBooks: one on developing sustainable muscle in the gym and one for attracting (and retaining) girls through online dating. 

 

  • Great article. “Such a weakness leads to anxiety and frustration, but also to the ever-widening gap between what women want and what men are providing them. This is the reason that some men are able to attract and retain multiple women at a time, while others cannot muster a simple date.” agree with this 100%, this also makes it better for those who do learn “game” or whatever it’s called nowadays. A lot of these coming down to being a man. Standing your ground, being assertive, having boundaries. Unfortunately being a man is something that is degraded in many societies. Resulting in not just unhappy men but unhappy women as well.

    • Thanks for the comment Charles. Agree with you on everything. Those few men who decide to do their own thing, and not be influenced by society or peers, tend to do best with women. Once you foster those characteristics, they tend to stick with you indefinitely as well, and extend beyond just success with women to success in life.

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  • Common Slave

    Everyone seems to say that a man should act like he is the challenge, but how in the hell this can attract a women who is simply not physically attracted to you, when she have at the same time dozens of others attractive men’s waiting. If you were alone in a island with her, yes why not, but when she have the choice .. I would like an elaborate answear as no one ever provided me with a legit explanation

    • Men need to make themselves the object of desire, and to do this, you do not put a woman on a pedestal no matter how gorgeous she is or how awesome she acts. She must “qualify” herself to you as someone worth your time and efforts. This goes against everything you see in life (especially TV/movies), but as such, most men in “real life” do not attract and sleep with women. You must treat women as if they are replaceable, and they are, so long as you have the self-confidence to believe so.

      The dirty little secret is that women love men that don’t give them attention – that don’t kiss their ass and behind over backwards for them. Since every man does this, the one who doesn’t is interesting and intriguing. Of course there has to be a baseline of attraction for her to be hooked on you, but if you sense she isn’t interested, then you simply move on. If you are truly confident in yourself, in your appearance and actions, you know you will easily attract another woman. Men who attract women know they can always find another one if they desire. You also cannot worry about other men as competition. There will always be men hanging around the woman you are trying to sleep with, but in most cases, these are losers or friend zone prisoners who have no idea what they are doing. The sheer abundance of women that are available make competition near non-existent.

      My guess, which I’ve written about before, is that 20-30% of men sleep with the majority of women. It’s the 80/20 rule in action. Most men simply lack the education to know how to go about getting a women.

      I suggest you read through my various articles in the “Women and Dating” section. In addition, I’d read several books – “The Manual (Anton),” “The Art of Seduction (Greene),” and “The Rationale Male (Tomassi).” If you soak in the knowledge from these resources and apply them in your own life, I will guarantee you success. But you must be fearless – eager to try and fail and LEARN and GROW. Experience is the only way to improve and master anything – especially attracting women.

      Take care my friend.

      -Axel

      • Common Slave

        Thanks for your answear, I will take a look on these books and come back

        I already believe 100% of the things you said, I think the same you do about women.
        But I still believe that looks is what matter the most or they will be no interaction at all in the first place. A women will go for the men you describe, but she will choose between 2 guys she is attracted too and pick the best one … she probably will not even consider giving a chance to the unatractive one

        Many believe that people on the internet or youtube, in field of seduction, like rsd nation are just guru’s selling false hope to people with fake infield montage. I dont say they are scams, because you can definitly learn ALOT from them, but I would like to know your opinion

        cheers !

        • A man’s appearance does matter. There is no denying that. If a man doesn’t take care of his face or body, he will not do well with women. Can a man still get women if he lacks in these areas? Yes, but it will be much harder. That is why I advocate working on yourself first and foremost – body and mind. Got to the gym 5 times a week, get regular haircuts,, style your facial hair, or be clean shaven. Learn to dress well – make sure clothes are fitted. Master your appearance and actions. Only when you feel good about yourself will you reflect that onto the women you are meeting. Women can smell confidence a mile away – if it isn’t there, you are fighting an uphill battle.

          I haven’t watched too many infield videos so I can’t give a deep opinion on them. However, I don’t believe that you have to say certain things to women. Confidence and personality, combined with your appearance, will carry the conversation. When you are at peak confidence, you will know it. It’s pure freedom. You will be 100% comfortable in your skin, and able to conversate with anyone at any time without anxiety or intimidation.

      • H8TheWayLifeIs

        even though us humans are different from many other mammals, it is generally said that most Male Elephant Seals die virgins, never get to mate