Understanding the Art of Seduction: The Ideal Lover & The Dandy

Understanding the Art of Seduction: The Ideal Lover & The Dandy

(This is the third and final part of a series on Seduction. Read here a primer on the series).

Today we are going to tackle two personas – the Ideal Lover and the Dandy. As I have done with my past articles, I will explain the personas through a modern lens that will help you apply them in your quest to master seduction. 

The Ideal Lover is the third persona described by Robert Greene, in his masterpiece, The Art of Seduction.The Ideal Lover thrives on women’s dreams and fantasies. You quest is simple:

  • What makes her tick?
  • What she is passionate about?
  • What’s missing in her life?

Once you find the void, you quickly move to fill it. The Ideal Lover is a master of the mental game, and from it, you learn to master the physical aspect of the interaction. 

Most women are bored out of their minds. They have settled into a comfortable, static routine. Their lives lack any form of excitement or mystery as every day blends into the next. Such sad souls seek a release, and the Ideal Lover is perfectly placed to provide such an escape. Long lost dreams resurface in the presence of a calculating seducer. Like all the personas, the Ideal Lover thrives in today’s politically correct society because he offers an escape from the mundane. Women will jump at the chance to be freed from the chains of their boring, regimented routine. 

Keep Your Eyes Open

As Robert Greene writes:

“The key to following the path of the Ideal Lover is the ability to observe. Ignore your targets’ words and conscious behavior; focus on the tone of their voice, a blush here, a look there – those signs that betray what their words won’t say.”

Observation is a lost art. Because we rush through life, we fail to see what’s going on around us. We miss obvious signs, especially when it comes to women. Blame smart phones and other distractions, but we no longer have the ability to focus for a long period of time, and thus don’t notice what is right in front of our eyes.

This applies to women and their unique way of communicating. Men usually miss all the signs. Whereas men rely strongly on the verbal, women often avoid confrontation and instead employ a passive-aggressive mode of communication. This makes it difficult for men to understand what they truly want, because they don’t have the experience to see beyond words. Because women communicate primarily through body language and gestures, they will often speak in tongues, never being clear with their desires. It’s up to you to observe their movements and discern for yourself how to proceed. 

Once you decide on your approach, it’s important to play into a woman’s vain tendencies. Women love a man who inflates their ego. You need to be subtle, however. If you overdo it, you come off as desperate and inauthentic. This is what most men do, and they immediately disqualify themselves. Your goal is to elicit an emotional response, helping her see you are valuable and charming. Be genuine, but don’t go overboard.

The Ideal Lover is adaptive, always willing to alter his approach as the situation warrants. Like a chameleon, you must be ready (and willing) to morph into a brief state of submissive intensity. You want to give into her frame just a tad to pull her into yours. She will be overwhelmed with your ability to understand her. In order to be successful at this, you need to pay attention! Remember, such skill takes time and effort to master, so be patient and understand that there will be bumps in the road as you become more comfortable studying women and their desires.

The political correctness of today’s world allows the Ideal Lover to thrive. Everyone is afraid to voice their true opinions and desires for fear of public backlash. Women feel the scrutiny the most, as their face great pressure to conform to societal norms. As the Ideal Lover, you’ll excel at unearthing a woman’s dreams and passions. You will begin to notice things you failed to see before – the way she moves her hands, tilts her head, crosses her legs. There is a deeper meaning behind these seemingly inconspicuous movements. Power is in the hands of the man who knows how to break down a woman’s barriers.

From Robert Greene:

“He brings out noble qualities in you, frames you in a myth, makes you godlike, immortalizes you. For his ability to create such fantasies, he is rewarded with great power.”

The Ideal Lover is a man who has mastered the power of observation. He offers an escape from average. Such a man is powerful because he knows his worth and is confident in his ability to offer up excitement and novelty. He’s tasked with conveying this to women. Once this process is achieved, he is able to pick and chose his conquests as he pleases. The Ideal Lover persona is ideal for the thinking man, someone who thrives on the mental game as much as the physical one. Although difficult to master, one could argue the Ideal Lover is the pinnacle persona to have in your repertoire. It combines with all the others to create a devastating approach to seduction.   

The Dandy

The Dandy is very different from the Ideal Lover. A Dandy is a true wildcard in every sense of the word. Nothing is out of bounds.  The Dandy lives by his own code and his unwavering principles guide him through life. The opinion others is of no importance. The Dandy is unpredictable and is seldom tamed.

The Dandy plays up feminine characteristics. Around women, he will move seamlessly between the masculine and the feminine, like a boxer ducking and weaving in the ring. Robert Greene describes it as the “feminine charm.” This feminine side drives women wild. The result is an increase in comfort and trust. The Dandy always keeps women on their toes.

The Dandy wants to be noticed. He stands out through his physical appearance and his bold actions. He draws attention to himself for his own entertainment and not to appease others. To the uninformed, this might seem silly, a desperate plea for attention. But the opposite is actually true. This unpredictability keeps his prey equally confused and excited. Women go crazy trying to guess future acts of a Dandy’s radical behavior. A Dandy loathes conformity. His uniqueness resonates in his appearance and he cultivates his sense of self through his unusual actions. A Dandy smashes social boundaries and had endless energy. Because of this, the Dandy persona is a lifestyle approach more than a seductive persona. As Greene describes:

“The Insolence of the Dandy…is aimed at society and its conventions. It is not a women he cares to conquer but a whole group, an entire social world.”

The Dandy loves to entertain the masses, and does so through his unique appearance and unconventional actions. Even though it is not a Dandy’s primary intention to seduce women, it happens naturally due to his unpredictable personality. Because of this “me against the world” mentality, The Dandy ensures a steady flow of women in his life. 

Be Bold, Be Unique

Women are desperate for excitement and novelty. Hence, the Dandy persona is kryptonite to them. The ability to a man to shun convention and go his own way makes women melt. Women are so burdened by societal expectations, they seek release in a man who doesn’t give a damn about the opinion of others. Beyond this, a Dandy oozes mystery and excitement – his unpredictable nature serving as a sexual calling card for scores of women.

Unlike most men who become lazy and boring around women, the Dandy prioritizes pleasure. He understands that novelty reigns supreme with women. Dandy’s don’t live to work, but work to live. You’ll never find a Dandy slaving away long hours for meager pay, or some corporate lackey who lives life according to someone else’s rules. On the contrary, a Dandy prioritizes meaning and fulfillment. Because the Dandy is unique and unpredictable, women want to know more. He embodies both the masculine and feminine, and he is equally outrageous and stoic.

The Dandy a formidable persona in the game of seduction. Women are sexually attracted to men who have fun in life. Always. Nobody loves life like a Dandy. Picture the guy laughing with his friends at the bar. Do you think he is more desirable than the one stumbling up to a woman with a clumsy pickup line? A man who thrives in social situations validates himself in the eyes of a woman. Finally, a Dandy doesn’t allow himself to be labeled. He is always reinventing himself as something unique. 

Final Thoughts

The Ideal Lover and the Dandy are two very different personas. However, much like Robert Greene’s other seductive personalities, both are equally effective with women. Each persona suits a man differently based on his existing personality and degree of social charm. Find what works best for YOU. Practice and make mistakes. Discard what doesn’t work. But be authentic and keep at it. Every man should know seduction. Your level of confidence and satisfaction will skyrocket.

Screenshot 2015-11-21 at 12.56.17 PM

Want more of these articles? Be sure to sign up to my weekly e-mail list.

Comment below with any feedback or questions!