This is Part III of a three-part series where I will lay out a roadmap for online dating based on my own personal success.
In this section, I will breakdown what to do once you get the girl to agree upon the date. I will describe how I operate on dates and what tips I can give to make the interaction as successful and impactful as possible. The key to it all – never stop pushing for more.
Setting the Date Time & Location
I try to set up first dates during the week after work. Somewhere in the 7-8pm range. This should allow ample time to get home, get ready, and get to wherever you need are meeting up. I like to give myself a nice window to get ready and focus on getting into my zone.
Logistics. Logistics. Logistics. By far the most important aspect of setting up your date.
A few things come into play here. The first thing to consider before you even attempt to set up a date – is how far you live from the girl.
I have a 12 mile rule.
Granted, I live in a large city where most people are within 7 miles, so this might have to expand your range depending on where you are currently living. You want to target those girl who live nearby. The closer the better.
I always push to grab drinks in my neighborhood; a short distance from my apartment. However, this won’t always be the case for one reason or another. Often times, I will meet them halfway between our apartments. This generally is not an issue, as my place will still be a 10 minute or less cab ride away.
As I mentioned in Part II, I usually do sushi or strictly drink dates. I definitely do not get fancy on the first meet up. There is simply no reason to. My goal is to feel out the girl, decide if she is worth my time and attention and move from there.
There is zero reason to shell out a ton of money for a girl you do not know and who has promised you nothing in return.
Internalize this belief.
The Perfect Date
Signs of Success
There is one thing that is paramount above all other matters when it comes to ensuring your date goes well. This might seem obvious but you MUST make sure that the girl is COMFORTABLE with you. Girls give away many non-verbal and verbal clues into this. First and foremost is LAUGHTER. Nobody will ever be able to tell me otherwise – laughter is universally the greatest sign you can get from girl. This shows that they are comfortable letting down their guard. This should never be forced, you don’t want to come off like a clown or comedian, but in the flow of your conversation you should be making the girl laugh multiple times. If I think back to my most successful dates – the girl laughed upwards of 10-12 times.
I am never afraid to laugh at myself or call myself out. I stay very carefree and lose during the date. I also have a knack for storytelling, and I can usually shine when telling an old, funny story that I know will elicit a positive reaction.
You also want to get the girl to do more talking than yourself. Elicit emotional responses by asking about topics and beliefs that resonate deep with her. If it is something this is passionate about, she might go on and on talking about it. Just sit and listen and offer positive comments, inquisitive questions, and funny or sarcastic jabs. You never want to be sitting there talking about yourself. This is boring and will quickly lose the girls attention. You also have a higher chance of looking like a conceded run of the mill dude if you do this.
You should always push and attempt to initiate physical contact with the girl. When I am able to do this, it has almost always lead to positive results down the road. It isn’t always easy, and sometimes can feel forced if you do not find an opening; but you must always keep it in the forefront of your mind and be ready to pounce when the opportunity comes.
What are some ways to do this?
- If the girl has a visible tattoo (wrist, arm, back, etc) – touch it as you ask about it
- Ask about any jewelry – earrings, bracelets, rings – touch as you ask about it
- If she is wearing something abnormal or interesting – use it as an opportunity to touch
- If you are close, rub her leg, hands, or arms in a nonchalant way
The key is to do this without hesitation and without making it awkward. Do not look down – remain engaged with her eyes. I guarantee the girl will be receptive to your touch as long as it does not come off forced and creepy.
One way to make it easier to touch during the date is to sit on the same side of a booth or table. This can seem weird at first, but just say that you want to be able to hear them or some other believable reason. If you are at a bar, than you are already going to be very close to one another. It is an incredibly positive sign if the girl reciprocates your touch and begins to rub or grab your hands and arms.
You want to stay aware of your body language during the date. Sit in a masculine way – do not slouch or drop your shoulders. Move deliberately and slowly. Raise your drink to your lips with purpose and put it back down in a methodical manner. Basically – do no move quickly! Girls are able to immediately sense flaky or weak body language. They are universally drawn to men who carry themselves like men – who come off as the dominant creatures they so desperately crave.
Make sure you are always engaging their eyes. You need to catch yourself if you are looking downwards and break contact to the side from time to time in a relaxed manner. Eye contact strengthens the bond during the date and is yet another strong way to build comfort with the girl. If you avoid eye contact, you look timid and weak, and the girl will immediately sense this.
Ending the Date
There is never a predetermined time on how long your date should go. I’ve been on dates as short as 45 minutes and as long as four hours. Time can truly fly by if you are engaged and “clicking” with the girl. Moments of silence during the interaction are natural – but you are complete strangers meeting for the first time. Thus, there should be an abundance of things to talk about and a bunch of different directions to go. There is really no excuse for running out of things to say.
If things are going so good that you feel as if it is the time to strike – then call the night and ask her to come back with you. Otherwise, I usually let things run their course before asking for the bill. You must be the one who calls the date (unless she gave you a time constraint prior to meeting up), as it is the man’s job to lead the interaction.
I have talked about this in the past, but it remains one of the most debatable situations in the modern era of dating.
Should you pay for the bill?
In a world where women have better jobs and make vastly more money than in the past – this remains a hot topic. My thoughts are simple – there is a time and a place.
If I grab drinks at an upscale place and I see the girl reaching to pay when the bill comes – I will not stop her. We will simply split the bill. This has actually happened on roughly 75% of my dates. The other 25%, I have paid in full for a variety of reasons.
- If a girl drives from a somewhat far distance, I will usually grab the bill.
- If the place is cheaper, I will usually grab the bill.
- If the girl doesn’t go to her wallet to split the bill, I will obviously grab the bill
I basically use a case by case basis. I’ve had girls drive over an hour to my neighborhood to go out. In that case, I will pay the $30-40 tab without issue. However, if I meet a girl close by and we grab 3-4 $12 drinks a piece, I will never stop her from splitting the bill with me. I will never say “No no, I got this.” If you stick to a basic, cheap food like sushi and a few drinks, the bill will never be crazy expensive to begin with, so it leaves you with options.
I am steadfast in my belief that any first encounter is a 50/50, two-way street. If you went out with different girls 3-4 times a week to fancy restaurants/bars, you would be broke and potentially have nothing to show for it in terms of having sex with the girl. I become much more lenient if I have already slept with a girl – but before that point, I see no reason to wine and dine when nothing is guaranteed.
Too many men think the opposite and shell out an insane amount of money to try to “win” the girl. It is usually these thirsty men who make it so difficult for the top 5% to date – as women now feel entitled to free meals, drinks, and gifts. They expect these things.
Remember – monetary rewards do not guarantee you sexual reciprocation. If every man who paid for a meal in full knew ahead of time the girl would never sleep with him, I would say almost all would not open their wallets.
Might you rub a girl the wrong way by splitting the check? It is very possible.
But there are plenty of other women who will be into you, and not give two shits about splitting a drink tab. Tread carefully and go with your cut when deciding what to do.
You should always attempt to kiss the girl at the end of the night. It can be difficult to build up the confidence, but you should eventually get to a point where you do not psych yourself out of the moment and feel confident enough that you have made a favorable impression on the girl throughout the date.
If you have been physical during the date and the girl has received it positively, the kiss should be a mere formality.
Always attempt! The worst case is she turns her head and you kiss her on the check. Have no fear.
This is where your logistics play an important role. Having your apartment less than 10-15 mins away will be mandatory here. Hopefully it’s even closer than that.
I will write in more detail in the future on how exactly to go from here – but you should obviously try to get the girl to come back to your place. She might put up various forms of resistance, but that should not stop you from trying. All of these efforts make it more likely that you will already be a step ahead the next time you see the girl, regardless if she denies you or not.
I have had situations where my gut told me “no way this happens tonight,” and the opposite has happened – the girl has willing and eagerly come home with me. Remember, some girls do not show their hand easy. They keep their emotions guarded and might not make it seem like they are interested. The opposite could be true. That is why it is your job to push as far as you can to test their boundaries. They might give a little resistance because they fear being perceived as “easy” but if you push the right buttons, that façade will come crashing down as the next thing they know, they are in your bed.
Like I’ve stated a few times, I have had some crazy results based on my %’s. That will not be the case for most guys, and I will admit that I found some pretty promiscuous matches. But even half of what I accomplished will be more than the average man does in a year’s time.
However, I do consider myself an above average male. I take care of my appearance, both style and physical. I make sure my mind is always processing new things. I stay ambitious; my competitive spirit never lets me settle for second place. Most importantly, I have fun. I do not take myself serious and shrug it off if I am rejected or denied when it comes to women.
Work on yourself first. Never put yourself second. Make a profile online, and have fun with the interaction – from finding girls, to messaging them, to going out with them, to having sex with them. The whole process is an emotional high and will give you massive amounts of confidence going forward. I am convinced that any guy who follows my general guidance in this series will be successful with online dating. You might have to message a lot more women, but you will be successful. You will go on many dates, and improve yourself every time out. Once you taste success, your confidence will continue to grow and your actions around women will become second nature. You will break down your social barriers.
I would love feedback. Let me know what you think – as well as any methods you may have used in your online conquests.